$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
