C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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