The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
