she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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