happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
