im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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