I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
