Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
