this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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