I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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