first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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