their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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