Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
