There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
