Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
