I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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