Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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