we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
