So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
