There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
