In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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