she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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