When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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