what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
