he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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