Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
