My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize