my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
