Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
