i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
