I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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