It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
