You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
