Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
