Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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