if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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