Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
