Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
