Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
