Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
