need another drink. this is the easiest way
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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