She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
