You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
