I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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