The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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