video games are the ultimate cock blocker
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
