The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
