If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
