I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
