I think my vagina is haunted
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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