I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
