Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
