What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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