I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
