hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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