Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
