Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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