I cockslap morals
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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