You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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