How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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