I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
