accomplished twins. life is a go
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize