It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
