Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
