I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
