hell yes lets make some ravioli
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize