awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
