so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
