Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
