I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
