dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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