Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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