I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
