next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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